Your face is a jimmy john
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize