she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
