How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
