she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
