he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
