To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Randomize
