Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
