apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
