dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
and she was petting her beer can
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
