He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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