So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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