You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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