I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
