p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
