wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
