Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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