She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
