I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's never too late to be topless.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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