Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
