I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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