Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
