my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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