My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
