Where is the hickey?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
