got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
