Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
