Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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