Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
