I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
