Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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