Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
