return my video game
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
