It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
