girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
