No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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