discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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