i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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