If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if only i could text you this smell
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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