dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
