So drunk its hurt
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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