it was like his penis was on wheels.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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