is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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