Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
