I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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