hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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