Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
