My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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