Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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