I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This is my gift to your gina
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
