Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize